Weekly Drop # 5: The institution of marriage: What keeps divorce lawyers in business

"I'll love you when your hair turns grey girl
I still want you if you gained a little weight, yeah
The way I feel for you will always be the same
Just as long as your love don't change (no)
I was meant for you and you were meant for me, yeah
And I make sure that I'll be everything you need, Yeah
Girl the way we are is how it's gonna be
Just as long as your love don't change"

– Musiq Souldchild " Don't change"


 I've come across reports on the increase in divorces as the economy is on the road to recovery. Apparently the economic crisis impacts a person's decision to call it quits as divorce is not cheap. I thought about it and it makes perfect sense to me. No one wants to live alone and broke at the same time. On the other hand the thought of two individuals who hate each other living together simply for financial stability is a problematic. Quite frankly, I wouldn't mind living alone (meaning without a significant other, my family will always be there), as long as I'm financially stable and in good health. Perhaps what concerns me with the most is I can’t predict the future, so what If I am one those individuals? Certainly I won’t let it happen, but I've learned that life is unpredictable therefore and we must weight all possibilities.

Last week I learned something new - quite interesting actually. I learned that Malta, a Southern European country situated in the center of the Mediterranean (93 km south of Sicily and 288 km east of Tunisia) is one of the two remaining countries that still bans dissolution of marriage (aka divorce). Good for them I thought, until they held a referendum to vote on for the legalization of divorce. As a result apart from the Vatican city-state (Pope Country), the other country that bans divorce is the Philippines (Manny Pacquiao anyone?). Accordingly: "The divorce measure was passed by a majority of 53.2 per cent of those who cast ballots". (Shout-out to Al-Jazeera).

Here is an excerpt of the article in question:

"Arthur Galea Salomone, spokesman for the anti-divorce campaign, admitted "the people's choice was clear, they opted for the introduction of divorce". Divorce legislation is likely to squeeze through parliament as Gonzi's ruling Nationalist Party has the slimmest of majorities - one seat - and analysts have said at least one of his MPs had backed the "yes" campaign. The Roman Catholic Church did not campaign officially in the referendum. However, Paul Cremona, Valletta's archbishop, had warned church goers in a letter they face a choice between building and destroying family values. "By this vote, the citizen will either build or destroy. A choice in favor of permanent marriage is an act of faith in the family, built upon a bond of love which cannot be severed," said the letter, read out at masses. In addition, priests have reportedly threatened to refuse communion to those who vote "yes" in the referendum. Marriages can only be annulled by the Catholic Church's Ecclesiastical Tribunal in a complex and rare procedure that takes around eight years. The only exception to the divorce ban is for Maltese married to foreign nationals or Maltese who are permanent residents abroad." – Al Jazeera

See the official and dominant religion in Malta is Catholicism, no wonder why the church would be mad at such news. The reality as the Maltese people have discovered is that divorce is something which cannot be ignored any longer, hence the crumbling of the institution of marriage.

I'm far from a marriage counselor but I do recognize certain characteristics which lead to divorce. If I was in a position to advice though, I would certainly suggest the following: don’t settle for less. As a teen my definition of a successful life was: owning a Bentley, a condo overlooking the ocean somewhere, a sexy ass wife with whom I would procreate a lot of babies, and most of all live freely. If you ask me the same question today, I'll opt for an E-class Benz (got to be realistic on the Bentley eh), a condo in the city, many kids, and still live freely. No, I didn't forget to add the "good looking wife" part, but I simply realized that I will not marry because I have to settle down (accidental pregnancies…things of that nature), but because I want to. I will not marry because society defines marriage as an accomplishment, for all I know the current trend is divorce. In my view, the moment you settle for less (smh at all the captain save-a-ho out there), the differences between you and your soon to be ex-wife/husband are more apparent, thus divorce is more likely.

My views on the institution of marriage have changed overtime. I didn't question it much growing up because I didn't know much. As I experienced relationships, might it be I or simply noticing others, I am convinced that the institution of marriage is failing in North America (we are more liberal and progressive than the rest of the world). Even my beloved Congo, where marriage represents a great honor for families and individuals, the divorce trend is on a rapid growth. With the recent development in Malta, I've come to the realization that marriage is nothing more than an expected event in one's life from family, society, and your religion. The Philippines proudly hold the title as the sole country that bans divorce – I could always become a citizen.